I can't take much more of this. Can I induce my own coma and time it to end just at the precise moment it's confirmed where he'll sign? Is that possible? (Although I'm not so sure I'd want to come out of it if, after all the hype and rumor-mongering, he doesn't end up with the Bulls. But if he did end up signing with the Bulls, I'd at least hope that my dear fiancee would have a LeBron Bulls jersey on order for me, with the order confirmation printout in hand to greet me I emerge from my coma.)
Anyway, it seems like everything about where he's headed is both true and untrue. The more you look at his situation, the less it makes sense. It reminds me of this (which, by the way, could well be a hint about my next blogging project):
"Sometimes the more you look, the less you really know."
Please comment below. Remember to keep it civil. Don't assume anything about the people you disagree with. I will delete any comments that are offensive or veer too far off topic. Thank you in advance.
This one's a relatively clear-cut question: Who will win the NBA Finals, which begin Thursday: the Boston Celtics or the Los Angeles Lakers?
These Celtics and Lakers teams, apart from a few roster changes, met two years ago in the Finals, which the Celtics won in six games. The Lakers went back to the Finals last year, where they beat the Orlando Magic for the title. It's the twelfth time the franchises will clash for the NBA title. The Celtics won nine of the previous 11 Finals matchups. Overall, the Celtics have won 17 titles, and the Lakers have won 15.
Coming into the playoffs, these Celtics were considered too old, as their veteran core of Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce had showed signs of slowing down over the course of the season. Instead, led by emerging superstar Rajon Rondo at point guard and their ever-tenacious defense, the Celtics tore through the Eastern Conference playoffs, upsetting favorites LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers before roughing up the defending Eastern champs, the Magic.
The Lakers, the defending champions, are coming off a six-game triumph over the overmatched but surprisingly tough Phoenix Suns in the Western Conference finals. They are led, of course, by arguably the best offensive player in the world, Kobe Bryant, and a long, athletic and versatile front line anchored by Pau Gasol, Lamar Odom and the young but brittle Andrew Bynum. The Lakers' newest edition to the mix, Ron Artest, is a notoriously tough defender, but is known for being temperamental, too.
So, what do you think? Which team will prevail? How many games do you think it will go? What are the most intriguing matchups? In addition to which team you think will win, which one do you want to win?
The poor guy. Why is the police state persecuting him? Whatever happened to free enterprise???
According to a probable cause affidavit, a trusted police informant identified Memphis Grizzlies player Zach Randolph as a major marijuana supplier in Indianapolis, 6News' Jack Rinehart reported.
Look, he's just turning the money he makes playing basketball into a profit-making business. Is he not just pursuing the American Dream? Is this not just our free market at work?
All right, so there are no charges yet, but still. Poor bastard.
Okay, okay. On a quasi-serious note, this is another example of why pot should be legalized. Why should idiots like Zach Randolph ruin things for the rest of us?
"Uh, what do you mean by 'us,' sir?"
"Ahem ... uh ... um, nothing. Nothing at all ... Ahem."
- A max contract. Well, slightly less than what Cleveland can offer you. But Chicago, as a city, isn't under constant threat of being swallowed by a vortex of economic failure.
- An opportunity to play in cosmopolitan Chicago. You know who else moved to Chicago as he was about to enter his prime? That's right. President Obama. You want to be president one day, LeBron?
- A chance to play with a talented and young supporting cast, including fellow former No. 1 pick Derrick Rose, who could join you on several All-NBA First Teams and in the Hall of Fame one day.
- And, hopefully, a chance to play under a (somewhat) decent coach! (Please don't fuck this up, Bulls.)
Remember, LeBron: Cleveland sucks.
Okay, if that wasn't enough, here's another video for you, King.
"Some men just want to watch the world burn." -- Alfred
Count me as one of those men, at least when it comes to the upcoming NBA free agency period. There will be many star players on the market, led by Dwyane Wade, Amar'e Stoudemire, Chris Bosh, possibly Dirk Nowitzki, and none other than the king himself, LeBron James.
I would like to see most of the free agents leave for new teams, particularly the superstars. I would love to see the balance of power undergo a catastrophic shift. I want to see Dwyane Wade in a Bulls uniform. I want anarchy.
That's why I want the Cavs to lose to the Celitcs in game 6 tonight or in game 7, if necessary. I want an epic disappointment for LeBron. I want him so disgusted with Cleveland that he'll either skip town or prompt the franchise to really shake things up by firing their woefully overmatched coach, Mike Brown, and bringing in a blockbuster free agent themselves. Mostly, though, I want LeBron to flee, preferably to Chicago or N.Y.
A fantastic development. The Phoenix Suns will wear their "Los Suns" jerseys tomorrow night against the Spurs in honor of Cinco de Mayo and in solidarity with the Hispanic community.
Here's the Suns' point guard, the great Steve Nash, on the controversial immigration law:
I think the law is very misguided. I think it is unfortunately to the determinate detriment to our society and our civil liberties and I think it is very important for us to stand up for things we believe in. ... I think the law obviously can target opportunities for racial profiling. Things we don't want to see and don't need to see in 2010.
Way to go. Now top it all off with another whuppin' of the Spurs' asses.
Please don't let the Spurs win. I can't abide another boring, methodical slog through the playoffs with Grey Hulk Tim Duncan moping along while Manu Ginobili and his nose draw baloney fouls as they flail and flop their way to the rim.
Please, Suns, spare us the sorry spectacle of Tony Parker improbably hitting clutch jump shots from beyond his usual range of 10 feet.
Spare us Gregg Popovich's sweaty pockmarks, his jagged scowl, his spittle.
Please, Steve Nash, you saucy Canadian, do it for us. Do it for fun. Do it for basketball.
(UPDATE: The video I posted before has been removed by the YouTube user. I found another one, but it features a really long ad at the beginning and some other crap from CBS, but it still includes the whole commercial. Also: ABC News puts the sound bite in context here.)
I forgot to set my coffee maker last night, so I went without my usually necessary cup o' caffeine this morning. But I didn't need it after seeing this:
Wow.
Tiger Woods' father, Earl, has been dead since May 2006. That's his voice in the commercial, not God's, even though that's what Nike and Tiger would probably like you to believe.
Here's the transcript of what the late Mr. Woods says in the ad:
Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was, I want to find out what your feelings are, and did you learn anything.
I don't know what the original context of this quote is, but that doesn't stop Tiger and Nike from re-contextualizing it to fit the golfer's recent controversy. "See," the ad seems to be saying, "even Tiger's dad would find it in his heart to forgive him. Now, please, just carry on and go buy our shoes and clubs."
Earl Woods, of course, had Tiger playing golf when he was a toddler. At age two in 1978, the future superstar appeared on "The Mike Douglas Show" to putt against Bob Hope. Earl coached Tiger as he blossomed from wunderkind to amateur champion to, finally, the world's greatest golfer and its most recognizable athlete. Even as Tiger's career took off, Earl was always there at his son's side.
Now, was Earl a proud, engaged father, or was he golf's version of Mama Rose, always prodding Tiger to "swing out"? Earl, according to various reports, was no angel himself. Did Tiger learn more than golf from his dear old dad? I don't know enough to answer that question, although I have my suspicions. But one thing was always clear from Tiger's point of view, or at least his public one: Earl was his dad, his teacher, his mentor, his best friend, the most important person in his life. He elevated Earl to the pantheon of Great Dads. But now Earl Woods has been reduced to a mere pop-media emblem, a sound bite to restore his son's marketability in the most cynical advertisement in an era of them.
It's become clear that Tiger, in the aftermath of his infidelity imbroglio, has been completely consumed by not by a specific image, but the notion of "image" itself. He's retreated into it, as if it were a cocoon. Now nothing else matters to Tiger; not his privacy, not his family, not his relationship with his dear old dad.
This is the true apotheosis of Tiger Woods, not whatever triumph awaits him at The Masters or any subsequent tournaments. He has shed any trace of humanity from his persona. He has finally -- fully, thoroughly -- completed his transformation into a brand.
And he did it by burying his father in a Nike swoosh.
P.S. Here's a great parody of the ad, courtesy of The Jack Sack:
UPDATE: Well, it appears Nike has hunted down the Jack Sack's parody and stripped it from the Web ... except at Deadspin! You can find Deadspin's compendium of parodies here. The Jack Sack's is #4.
You know, I just really don't care about college basketball. The best kids don't stick around any more than a year or two, and as much as I like to see a well-executed play, sometimes I just want to see LeBron or Kobe or Dwyane or Dirk or Durant or Nash take over a game through sheer talent and will. Also, I'm really, really tired of hearing about "scrappy, energetic, smart, hard working" players who "take pride in their academics."
OK, OK, I admit getting caught up in the excitement of the close games in the tournament, and I admit to being a nominal fan of the North Carolina Tarheels (because of Michael Jordan's pro exploits). And this year is the first in a while when I haven't filled out a bracket for gambling purposes. But I just don't care. I just ... don't ... care ...
Oh screw it. Go Butler. Please do everyone a favor and beat those snobby Dukies senseless. Do it for America.
